whenlaughtercries

have you ever laughed like it's the happiest time of your life, that you are truly overjoyed, and like you just won the jackpot in the lottery? ofcourse! and I often did!but have you ever died of sorrows and pains everytime you let out a laugh? that i always had!for every laughter and smile that i give is a reminder to me each time how deep the pain gets and how darker the sky becomes.born to a devout catholic mother and a devout muslim father. molested by own grandfather, two cousins, and a neighbor at such an early age. had to take several jobs to finish schooling. deprived of rights to become and to show who is who. died of these? No i did not! not yet... blaming these events for my present pains and frustrations? i don't know... but one thing is for sure...tonight i am crying again as i am letting the keyboard tell my story... crying like i never had done it ever......such a great pretender! i just had a happy talk with my other family members. they see an angel in me, a light, and so much strenth...but should they have looked better..they'll see the dying me...confusions, pains, fears actually reigns in me.crying...is the only thing i can do to atleast let one real part of me show...but how can crying wash the pain away? if i can not even cry with tears?